How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
