ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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