real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
She's the barista slut.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Randomize
