sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
