I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
