You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
