wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
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