Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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