my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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