Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Randomize
