it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
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