Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
