Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Randomize
