Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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