dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Randomize
