I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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