one might say we're banned from that church
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Randomize
