Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
