The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
You can't just leave with hair like that
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
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