Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
