ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
