Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
