I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
