What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Randomize
