maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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