some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
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