I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
