I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Randomize
