I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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