he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
