she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
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