I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Randomize
