I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Randomize
