i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
