I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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