Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
