wake up i wanna do it froggy style
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
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