Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
True strength comes from lack of pants
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Randomize
