Who did Billy Mays play for?
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
