If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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