I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
