there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
