so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
