pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
