Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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