Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
