he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Randomize
