I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
