can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
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