when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Let's get the cat blown out
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
