I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
i just sent this text using only my big toe
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
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