Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
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