it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
